Do you ever wake up one morning, remember something from the past and can’t shake that memory? Every now and then, I do. And this is one of those instances …
According to the Boy Scouts of America, the organization’s mission is to “prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes by instilling in them the values of the Scout Oath and Scout Law.”
Every year, when the Boy Scouts sold tickets for pancake breakfasts or other fundraisers, we purchased whatever they were selling. It was our way of supporting our community.
Here’s another one of our experiences with our local Boy Scout troop. As my son — who was not yet in kindergarten — and I left our local park district pool, a line of rowdy Boy Scouts was queued up, waiting to get in. As we walked past them, a trio of blond Scouts made racist remarks to us. They lacked the moral compass to know that it wasn’t right to make fun of others for the way they looked, or that picking on children half their size was cruel, or that saying such things to an adult was unacceptable.
The boys could’ve learned a lesson that would’ve served them well — that there are repercussions to their actions; and that sometimes, the worst action is in pretending that a wrong never occurred.
When I calmly told them that they weren’t being kind and were being poor role models for the younger Scouts in their group, they just laughed it off. And, after we had left, a friend told me she witnessed them doing the same thing to another little girl who dared to look different than them.
According to reports from other parents there that evening, that same Boy Scout troop — which was there on a Scout-sanctioned outing with supposed adult supervision — ran rampant at the pool all night, taking children’s goggles and bullying toddlers. They were so obnoxious and rude that some of the parents left early with their children, because they no longer felt safe.
This wasn’t a case of boys being boys. It was a case of Boy Scouts running wild and their adult chaperones talking amongst themselves and not doing their jobs.
I was discussing this with a friend, and another mom who we didn’t know very well asked what we were talking about. As I filled her in, I saw her eyes glaze over and I could tell she had stopped listening. She couldn’t relate to any of this, because it had never happened to her (I know this because she told me) and she couldn’t imagine what it must be like to watch a group of “role models” taunt a child for looking unlike them.
The reaction I received from the men in my neighborhood was decidedly different. One wanted to stand guard at the entrance, ID the boys and let everyone know what kind of kids they were. That was actually the mildest response.
As a non-white person living in America, I’ve experienced things like this often enough to know that it will happen again. And as upset as I was that my pre-schooler had to witness this, I wanted to forget about it and just let it drop. Worse things had happened. It wasn’t so bad, I told my husband.
But he said no. It wasn’t acceptable for me to let these kids off the hook, or for them to not learn the difference between right and wrong — that if their parents and the Boy Scouts weren’t teaching them how to grow up to be caring and responsible young men, then it was society’s job to step up and show them what it meant to be a good person.
He dealt with the Boy Scouts organization for several months. And in the end, he got this pat answer: “We tried to find out who was involved but didn’t have any luck.” As expected, none of the boys confessed to what they had done. One boy said he saw a little of what happened, but he wouldn’t give up his troopmates. The troop wasn’t punished for failing to follow the Scout Oath of doing their best. And the troop leader chose could’ve chosen to take away another Scout trip, but chose not to. Even after a Scout had said he knew who did it, but wouldn’t say who it was.
The troop leader essentially threw his hands up in the air, as if to say: “What can we do? Tsk tsk.” What a piss-poor leader.
Here’s what he could’ve done. When the offending Scouts failed to admit their actions, the rest of the troop should’ve been told that covering up for their friends wasn’t beneficial to anyone. And, when the pals refused to give the other boys up, the entire troop should’ve been made to apologize to the community and done community service. The boys could’ve learned a lesson that would’ve served them well — that there are repercussions to their actions; and that sometimes, the worst action is in pretending that a wrong never happened.
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Awareness is so important - no matter if it was yesterday or 20 years ago or if you're a child or adult. Recently a client made references to suicide in his show that gave an audience member concern as she had direct experience with it. She respectfully wrote to us and shared her concern. And he immediately replied acknowledging her pain and vowing to do better. Further, we invited her to another show but with a different format so that if she was interested in sharing her story and providing some education, she could. In some situations, 'not' responding can be a strategy, but it is never the answer and it definitely doesn't exclude one from the issue of accountablity. Thank you for sharing!
No doubt I'm going to sound like an old person (because, well, I am!), but it does seem like parents nowadays are so afraid of damaging their kids in any way that they become leery, if not downright allergic, of behavioral corrections. Which may contribute to what you experienced here.
I'm sorry you and your son had to go through this -- times like these, you can't help but wonder if the melting pot of this country of ours is worth it. :(